I'm back!

That was a long hiatus. What's worth saying about it? Not my cold...boring. The truly significant events were finals and grades. Yup, me and everyone else in school.

My poetry final was a revision, and my prof didn't like it much. She gave me a second chance. Here's what happened. This was a "you" poem, directed to someone who has died or nearly died, someone you know/knew, or someone important to you that you didn't necessarily have to know. My first thought, of course, was my mother. My immediate reaction was NO, I don't want to write about my mother. If I weren't such a dummy I'd have realized immediately that I had to write it to my mother. Instead, I went into a long thing about the 60's and all three martyrs (two Kennedy's and King). In fact, I totally forgot about the "you" part of the assignment and made it a narrative, changing a half-dozen lines at the last minute to qualify. It was critiqued in class, and I changed it accordingly, but that wouldn't do. Now she said it's way too broad, not personal enough, and she'd let me try again.

Well, after a period of being miffed, wondering why she didn't say that in the first place, I came to my senses. I e-mailed her about the mother thing, saying that's probably what I should have written, and could I do that instead. Bingo! She said that's exactly what I should do, so I did. Having learned that whatever I dodge writing about is precisely what I must write about (essential lesson that she nudged me to discover), I wrote what she described as a "very strong poem," especially admiring a couple of the images in it, and making a few suggestions to make it even better. And thus I salvaged my A. I feel so proud of myself! And I feel totally obsequious and grateful to her for the complete accident of being my first guide into poetry. I'm practically a suck-up, wrote her a sickeningly thankful e-mail. She probably hates me now -- haha. I don't care. I rushed out and bought one of her books.

The next biggest shock of the school-year-end was receiving a B in molecular genetics when I would have been shamelessly grateful for a C. I did better on the last exam than on the previous one, but nothing to brag about. I can only think the curve must have been brutal, or he had mercy on me. Not that I wasn't understanding the material; I just couldn't possibly remember enough of it in detail to answer all his questions. I studied and studied and studied, and on the last day, the night before the test, I asked myself: Why am I making myself so miserable over this? Nothing rides on this grade for me. I'm not going to pursue the elusive Ph.D. in biology; I'm going to become a poet. So, I relaxed and watched some TV. I became so completely relaxed about it (not pretending, really and truly relaxed), that I floated pleasantly on a cloud of self-acceptance, which lasted all through the exam and after. I did extremely well on some of the questions (all essay), got part of the story on others, and blanked on one or two. I didn't even rush to see my exam until two days later when I saw my grade and went into shock.

So, I ended up with three A's and one B and a lovely beginner GPA, and immediately collapsed into a restful (be truthful -- lethargic and lazy) holiday. Sleeping lots, reading lots, watching lots of TV, listening to lots of NPR, and playing lots of computer solitaire. Oh, and walking the dog. And getting almost over my cold.