Surviving extermination

I'm so tired I forgot what I was going to write about. Oh. Exterminators coming back tomorrow, so we've been doing even more cleaning out of cabinets and drawers and closets. I threw away about half my clothes. Tonight I cleaned the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom which hasn't really been cleaned since we tried to sell the house two years ago. Fucking disgusting.

I have a neurotic thing about housework. I can block out dirt and disarray, and I do. But when it finally has to be done, I am almost sick. I can only do a little at a time. The accumulation of grime disgusts me, and I am also disgusted at myself for letting it get that way. But, since I do not live alone, I end up cleaning up after the other, resent it, fury builds, and I go on strike. Grumpy is even more oblivious to dirt and mess than I am. I hate the whole "wife" thing. I never wanted to be a "wife," as it blends too easily into "housewife." This is one of many reasons I want to live alone.

This evening I sat on my back yard patio noticing birds and a large, exotic-looking butterfly that whipped past my face under the grapefruit tree and then shot over to the tangelo tree and disappeared. I rescued my little patio table from under Grumpy's junk and went inside to find binoculars and bird and butterfly books. A Gila woodpecker (or, more likely, a pair) has established itself near my yard and flies back and forth yelling. A hummingbird was checking out the tangelo foliage. A dull brown dove (inca? mourning?) sat around not showing me its tail, so I couldn't figure it out. Grackles with raggedy tails and mouthfuls of food in a hurry, a female cowbird (bronze? brown-headed?), unshutupable mockingbirds, house finches... It was nice to sit there as the air cooled and not feel about to be eaten by jungly foliage. I think the butterfly was a giant swallowtail (suburbs, citrus = fits), though I didn't see its pattern well enough to be sure. It had unusually pointy forewings and was mostly black. Now that I've stared at the photo, I'll hope for another look.

Eventually, I was able to go back inside and tackle housework.